6th Jun 2006

body & soul

What exactly is it that rules our body and soul? The best leaders are those who give us enough freedom, but are strict enough to show us that they really are boss. Are we truly the mob mentality? What is it? We listen to the institution because we are afraid of it. Depending on who you listen to, they give you different perspectives on what to expect, what to let yourself succumb to and the things that one must never give up. I truthfully cannot even remember the philosopher’s from where I am drawing my information from now. But it doesn’t really matter right? Nothing in this world matters anymore except for love. Love above all things. The love that tears us apart. But makes us feel whole and complete inside. What could it be that makes us feel this way–always torn so much between two different things that it makes us want to kick and scream until we can do no such thing anymore….

13th Mar 2006

fuck ‘SC!

from rangelife:

Victoria, not Victorious
At last Saturday’s Cal men’s hoops season finale versus USC, Bears boosters pulled a prank that straddles the fuzzy gray line between “Crap-Yer-Pants Hilarious” and “Inexcusably Cruel.”

When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: “VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA,” and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of mischeivous little bastards from the Cal student section had been IM’ing with Pruitt all week under the identity of “Victoria,” a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this nubile co-ed back in Westwood after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison.

Pruitt, a 79% free throw shooter this season, missed both shots after the “VIC-TOR-IA” chants began, and hit only three out of 13 shots the whole game. Cal beat USC by 11 for the season sweep, in part due to the Cal fans’ devious psy-ops.


One other event of note: In the last seconds of the game, walk-on guard Steve Panawek, who had played just two minutes of the entire PAC-10 season, got to finish the final home game of his Cal career by stealing a USC pass and sprinting coast-to-coast for a thunderous slam dunk, an outcome so shocking and wonderful that it provoked this reaction from the starters on the bench:


Update: Even USC fans admit this was hilarious, although they have to invoke Larry the Cable Guy to make the point.

*thanks Jueli for showing me this.

1st Mar 2006


18 hours on
03 buses crossing
02 state borders with
01 Mission:


6th Feb 2006

Go. Fight. WIN!

no matter what, i’ll always be able to prove you wrong. =]
we may be #2 in the Big-Ten now…but wait&see.
We’ll have that back-to-back-to-back Champions title, baby.
’cause we’re the fighting illini.
bleeding orange&blue, always&forever.

*dynasties and streaks are meant to be broken & they’re meant to be rebuilt, a million times better.

13th Dec 2005

“Year in Review”

Meme thingie – Go to your calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line/paragraph/whatever of it in your journal, and that’s your “Year in review.” (okay, so I cheated on a couple months, but I really wanted to give a correct view on my year. ahaha)

JANUARY (17): I can feel his hurt. I can’t explain it. They say when a brother/sister is hurting, you can feel it. It’s true.

FEBRUARY (23): But am I ready? I don’t know. I wish I knew the answer myself. Maybe it’s just me being afraid ’cause I don’t know anything and for the first time, life is actually completely, utterly uncertain and I can’t stand knowing that I DON’T know what will happen. [ sigh ]…Do you know what it means to be scared shitless but all the while, you just want to hit the ground running and never stop?

MARCH (19): The two things I was sooooooo afraid of happening have happened. Now what?

APRIL (11): Illinois has been a great experience. However, this all puts me even more at unease. It seems like it will be a great experience-a removal from all that I have ever known and have grown accustomed to. But how can I just straight up leave the only home I have ever known? California is where my heart is.

MAY (01): STATE LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE, BURLINGAME That was one of the most amazing conferences ever. I mean, it didn’t really feel like State until Saturday morning just because we were all so close and people kept going back and forth (me included). Of course a lot of the members who didn’t place well enough to go to Nationals went back on Saturday night because they didn’t feel like staying any longer.

JUNE (05): Last night was one of the best nights…It was PACKED and of course, everyone said they love our yearbook! (’cause it’s BEAUTIFUL :-D…haha) I love the yearbook this year! :-). And might I say that I love our staff, all the freshmen and of course, EDIT BOARD! We did a kickass job this year and it wouldn’t have been possible without all of your dedication. Thanks guys for making my senior yearbook AWESOME. I’m gonna miss every last one of you guys. :-(


AUGUST (11): WOW, that day was awesome / hectic. Here are the people that came: Geoff, Mike, Carl, Denise, Kenny, Emmeline, A.J, Rick, Annie, Marg, CoryO, Kyle, Albert, Clarence, Boyuan.

SEPTEMBER (07): YAY! I finally got my new Canon SD300! =] Yes, that makes me very very happy AND you guys can finally see what my dorm looks like! Later, I’m gonna take pictures of the campus so you can see what it’s like here. heh. Alright, I’ll just leave you with the pictures since I have to go to class now. (yuck).

OCTOBER (08): Woo hoo! This week was the best EVER. almost. ahah.

OKAY, to start out, FOOZER concert was on October 4th! It was so kickass. I want to say off the hook, but that sounds hella lame. haha. Anyway, so I had FLOOR tickets, and not only that but I got there early enough to be RIGHT IN FRONT! Like seriously, For the entire concert, there was either 3, 2, 1, or 0 people in front of me. (Especially during Foo Fighter ’cause the whole crowd was a mosh pit which means you can get shifted into the front!). I can’t even begin to describe the concert ’cause it was so amazing. AND, tickets were only $33!! Woo Hoo! =]

NOVEMBER (01): When I turned in my SIR for Illinois, I never realized that I would be really discovering America for all it’s worth and all that it means. The midwest really is the heartland of America; everything golden and beautiful you’ll find there. At the same time, underneath it all, there are the ghettos that Americans try so hard to forget and hide, there are the rednecks which manifest the Southern region’s desolate towns that makes it such a crime to be anything but caucasian. We forget about the charms that small towns have to offer as we’re in our mad dash to conquer the world with our philosophies and technologies. Everyone living in the large metropolitaian areas are walking as if each minute not working is a minute wasted. We forget that we need to duelve into the heart of America; to take a break and discover all that we’ve lost in the process of industrialization, of technicologicalization.

DECEMBER (04): So this is definitely a REALLY belated Thanksgiving list (alphabetical).

19th Oct 2005

How To Deal

There’s always that question about how we deal with the things we lost. And I guess the elusive answer is still the same as I’ve always felt it to be, except that maybe it’s more real this time than it has ever been. There is no right or wrong way to deal with things, you just get over it. You just think about how it’s just another thing that happens to you in life and just like everything else you in life, you don’t let it break you. Tom Stoppard (genius as he always is / has been), wrote in Shakespeare in Love on what to do when love’s denied? There’s nothing you can do except that there are sad tears and a journey. But that’s the end of that, there’s not death of anything but the love invovled. No one goes beserk and dies from the withdrawal of the love they seek. Things just move on and it’s over with. You can’t dwell on the past. Sometimes, it’s just easier to move on because it’s like a weight that’s lifted off your shoulders. It’s one less thing to worry about and you can fulfill everything else that your life has to offer instead of just being stuck in that moment in time. When you’ve exhausted all possible methods, then you know it’s time to move on. But when are we supposed to understand that there are no more options and when something is worth all the effort of saving or try at least to get the other person to agree that you have to save what there is? You don’t. It’s that gut feeling. But when the other person opposes it with all their might, then you know that something is wrong, something isn’t worth it anymore. If it takes so much energy just to convince the other person that the love you had is more pure than anything else, then what’s going to happen later on when you do get him? He’s going to be the same as he’s always been. And that’s gonna be no fun at all. I wish that I could get a second chance on everything that’s happened, but I guess it’s for the better this way. Besides, at least I go away with the knowledge that you have to play harder to get. If he sticks around for you, then you know his feelings are genuine. If he scampers like a scared bunny, then you know he’s never going to be worth your time. Just know the fine line between what’s enough and what’s too much.

I’m normally a really private person. I mean, there may be a lot of things that I say, but that’s usually the tip of the iceberg. There’s just so much that I think that anybody would be surprised really. I guess I’ll just begin with some things…

  1. I am a “lists” person. Maybe it comes from my competitive nature, but I like to list everything out, I like to know the rankings of everything and if rankings currently don’t exist for something, then you should make it up. Anything and everything has the possibility to be made into a list (even this subject here). I have lists of which friends I consider are my bestest friends and know everything about me (or in some cases have been through shit with me) and have always been there for me. I have lists of people I’d invite to parties that I hope to throw. Lists of people are the most fun actually ’cause then you also get to rank how they stand on your list of friends. (If I say that some competition doesn’t matter to me, trust me, it matters like no other).
  2. I’m very systematic. (which I think goes hand-in-hand with the lists thing). But this is mostly true when it comes to friends and boys. I’ll try to explain in terms of the ladder theory. Every single person that I meet is placed onto either the friends ladder or the interested ladder. Girls are obviously placed directly onto the friends ladder (although in the original ladder theory, girls are only about placing boys, I like to just place everyone into the ladder theory), but it’s not that common for there to be girls on the ladder anyway ’cause I’m usually friends with guys more than girls. Guys on the other hand, as in the ones placed on the interested ladder, they just go through however length of time that I feel is necessary for me to get to know them and then I make the executive decision on whether they stay on or if they get kicked into the abyss. YES, IF YOU GET KICKED OFF, YOU DON’T GO ONTO THE FRIENDS LADDER. Sorry. That’s how I work ’cause I obviously found something that bothered me enough to lose complete interest in you so it’s the obvious choice here, fellas.
  3. I have a large amount of friends, but it wasn’t always this way. Yes, it’s true I was a loner growing up. I liked being solitary, or maybe solidarity chose me. Either way, I don’t really care much about my childhood except that it was easier then when I didn’t have all these stupid people wanting to be friends with me. That sounds spoiled doesn’t it, well not spoiled but like something a typical “popular girl” would say. But it’s true. I stopped feeling that I should be nice to every person I meet because to do that, well, they just assume that we’re friends and we really aren’t ’cause I don’t give two shits about most of the people that I meet in life unless, of course, you somehow fall into the top category on my friends list. THEN, I will bend over backwards for you, if need be.
  4. I may seem nice, but deep down, I am by nature, as all human beings are by nature, selfish. That’s why I like Laguna Beach. We all say Kristin’s a bitch, but we still want to be just like her. Everyone has bitchy tendencies in life. That’s what being selfish is all about, being a bitch and getting your way in everything. Wouldn’t that make life so much easier if you were just able to do whatever the heck you wanted to? Yes. Don’t lie.
  5. I like to point out weird things about myself ’cause if you don’t think that’s cool, it’s okay. You have to at least deal with it / find it amusing / laugh at me, but still stay friends with me. If that weirds you out (pun intended), then whatever, I have so many other friends. I just need someone who will understand that humans aren’t meant to be molded into something that is just the rest of the herd (Nietzche reference intended).
  6. I’m hella stubborn. I don’t know where it comes from, but in my opinion, if you can’t stand up for something that you believe in, well that’s just weak, to the max.

That’s all folks.